Don't Be Jealous

I shall be spending Tuesday getting rubbed down with aromatherapy oils for my 32nd birthday with my bestest buddy, Yvette. I told them to book me someone with strong hands since my cellulite is far more pronounced this year than ever before and I want to make sure I don't get some wimpy 100 pound girl with weak hands. Also, someone will grate away at my yucky heels until they are as soft as rose petals and paint them a fire engine red for me. And I will gladly pay the exorbitant spa fee to eat lunch in fluffy white robe and nothing else...'cause it's my birthday!